Boy, that was miserable!

So, I survived my sleep study last night. I didn't like it and it wasn't pleasant, but I survived. No idea if I passed or failed this test but I suppose I'll find out from the VA in a few weeks.

If you've never suffered through this process, let me explain it to you. First, you appear at the appointed time at some professional office complex someplace, at an hour when you should be settling into your favorite chair at home. Or your own bed, at home. A pleasant young man checks you in, runs through the paperwork you filled out earlier in the day, then gives you more paperwork to complete. Then you are led into a small bedroom to get ready for the test.

The bed is a little intimidating since it is covered from one side to the other with enough wire to to rebuild a space shuttle, and you know those wires are all going to be very shortly attached to your body. But first, time for your pajamas. You brought your pjs, right? Well now its time to switch into your sleep clothes.

Now the friendly tech will begin the wiring job. Two leads go down your pants leg on each side. Two more go on each side of your chest. Then the tape measure and Sharpie comes out and the tech marks your head for 6 or 8 or 10 more electrical leads and then installs them using some kind of sticky wax on your head and scalp. Wires connect behind your ears, over each eye, in the center of your forehead, over each jaw bone and a speaker gets taped to your throat. And two belts get wrapped around you, one over your chest and one over your belly. Got all that? You are wired for sound and ready to transmit data from just about every part of your body, after the tech plugs youo into a complicated box on the wall.

Now its time for the ops checks of all the wiring! The tech leaves you laying on the bed, goes into the command center and proceeds to give you directions over a speaker- "Move your left leg", "move your right leg", "look up", "look down", "snore 3 times", "hold your breath". There's more, but you get the idea.

Finally its "Lights out" and time for you to try to get to sleep for the night. Good luck! You might get some sleep all wired up but if you're like me you probably won't really get a good night's sleep- especially when the tech wakes you at 3 AM to hook a air mask to your face! That's right, you are going to wear a CPAP mask for a couple hours! This thing fits over your face and blows air down your throat whether you want it or not! Or the strap slips off your head letting the mask slide around and you end up trying to sleep while holding this stupid mask to your face until 5 AM when the tech finally comes in to tell you its time to wake up- as if!

Once you get unplugged from the wall the tech leaves you alone to figure out where all the leads are attached to your body and cranium and to pull them off yourself. Then, there's more paperwork and some orange juice and you can be out of there by 6 AM and headed home. And you'll have to go home to wash out the junk off your hair!

At the least, that's what happened to me, last night. It wasn't the worst night of sleep I ever got, that was last year after my surgery when I was supposed to be sleeeping on a sheet over a plastic matteress cover and my feet trapped in compression boots and nurses pestering me every hour or so, but it was a pretty lousy experience. I just hope the results of my test encourages the VA to pay me some disability!